Favorite Toy Friday

     My bedroom this morning was very dark, the pillows and blankets were all in the perfect places to completely discourage movement and attempting to wake me more than I was. My alarm clock on my phone had sounded twice, indicating that I was going to have another rushed morning, but that was not enough motivation to move me from my cocoon of resting bliss. Narrow beams of gold came cutting through the black, shining narrow trails of illumination across my bedroom leading to small cracks in the blinds about the window.

     I feel a small hand reach up and start patting the bed, and then my foot, feeling around for my legs so he doesn't hurt me as he climbs into bed. Corbin is awake, and has learned that if he is quiet, he can come get a morning snuggle before school. While disrupting my morning drift, in and out of consciousness slightly, he quickly joined me in a similar state. As the time stealthily moved quicker than we could realize, my third alarm rang announcing that those who haven't moved from the pillow were about to be not only rushed, but very late. Corbin was now as difficult to motivate out of bed as I was. I need only remind him that today was "Favorite Toy Friday" and he bolted out of my bed to get ready for school so he can bring in his favorite toy.

    Throughout the morning, the gentle reminder that "It's Favorite Toy Friday" was all that need be spoken to help him speak politely, quit playing with toys and eat breakfast. We listened to The Adventure's of Alice in Wonderland on Audible as we drove to school, I walked the kids in the building then onto their classrooms when half way down the hall Corbin remembered that his favorite toy was never put in his back-pack. We stopped so he could speedily, and fruitlessly check the contents of his Kylo Ren back pack, under his jacket, behind his R2-D2 lunch bag, desperately looking for a favorite toy that was never put there. And in a moment, he devised an alternative plan that involved borrowing a toy from the preschool teacher who, though in the building, didn't have students today. And then confidently walked ahead of me to his class. I was sad he forgot his toy, and was planning to go home and find it, but was also proud that he demonstrated that independence and resolve to still have a successful Favorite Toy Friday, even without his favorite toy. I'm still sad that he was so excited to bring a toy to school that he ultimately forgot, but am still surprised by his decision, his sister would have been inconsolable for at least three hours.

    I would like to take some credit for teaching him to be positive in sad situations, I wish I could proudly say that he was able to so confidently move ahead in all optimism, having made a good choice because of years of pre-teaching, modeling from me and his mother, and being forced to live with the consequences, good or bad, of his actions. I would like to be the dad who can say, "Look what I taught him", but I can't. Don't get me wrong, we have had those conversations, we have made him live with the consequences of his actions. but on this morning I was totally prepared to run home and find the toy he was so elated to show his peers, and enable his forgetfulness and impulsiveness further. Today, my son showed me that he is capable, that he can create a new plan, and lead. Today, my son showed me his character. He may still end up standing on a table while the teacher is giving a lesson today, he will likely spill some food or chocolate drink over him and possibly whoever is unfortunate enough to be near him when it happens, but he showed me today, a measure of responsibility and leadership that I wasn't expecting to see from my 5 year old and I'm the happiest dad in town.

The Stay-at-Home Dad.

Holy stigma batman! What a title, only in this day and age has this really become an embraced thing, and as an Alaskan male, I find it violently runs against everything I've been taught about masculinity, the provider and protector of the home, etc. (not saying that is, in anyway, a correct or even validated viewpoint). And look where I have landed.

Now I hardly consider myself a stay-at-home dad. I do kinda work, almost 4 days a week. I say "almost" because I never start before noon, and on my latest day I'm there till 6ish. And I say "kinda" because teaching drums is awesome and in no way feels like work. And I will be gone for around 100 days come fishing season earning my winter lifestyle. Still being home with the children for most of my winter schedule qualifies me for this title, and I find myself questioning a world view I've long held regarding the sexes.

Oh, there are a handful of you reading this calling me a sexist as these words spill out before you, that is hardly the case. The man uttered phrase "Honey I'm Home" isn't a common phrase in our society because the sitcom was making light of an anomaly in American Culture, indeed it was the norm for dad to go to work, and mom to be home raising children. That was the scenario much of my childhood, it was the scenario for my parents upbringing as well. And here I find myself the father of two, and am much of the time, a stay-at-home dad.

What happened?

My wife and I, years before we met each other, knew we were going to be parents. We both also, followed common paths, youths from high school take when venturing out from home. My path landed me in mediocre paying jobs, on par with the skills I had acquired to that point. And her path landed her in an awesome job, but with a great deal of college debt. We have one car payment, because we wanted her to have a quality family vehicle, that was both safe, and dependable, it was not brand new, but not run into the ground either. We have not had the best of luck with my vehicles, I make no claims at being a whiz mechanic, and all my trucks have been old, so at the moment we have one functioning car... We have a mortgage, and it's literally around 100 bucks less a month then renting was. And we have been incredibly blessed to have family members that were willing to watch our children at no cost.

When we had our second child, we found it difficult to continue to impose on the network of family members to watch our children 8+ hours a day. Fortunately at this same time, Tina's cousin, was willing to take me fishing, and I had started teaching at the music school in the same year, and the opportunity arose for us to start raising our own children.

You see, it killed me, to every morning of the week, be dropping my daughter at a different family members house. Knowing that I couldn't provide enough for my children to be raised, in large, by their parents, and raise them with the uncertainty of "where will I be today?" was more then I could continue to bear. Tina is a public school teacher, so she is home all summer. Going fishing is hard on ALL of us, but the reward of being home in the winter, makes it worth it for me. And my awesome schedule at the music school, lets us have the children with their Grandma's during the week, just a few hours on the days I teach.

I am so grateful for my employers, and the willing, loving, Grandparents my children have. The amazing wife I married who puts up with my impulsiveness, and lets me go be daring and provide for my family in the summer, so I can love and relish every moment I'm with them in the winter. I got to experience an entire Christmas break with my wife and family this year. I get to let my children sleep in, wake-up with Daddy, bond with my son, snuggle my daughter. Be here to discipline, feed, and encourage my babies. Being gone in the summer is brutal, being home in the winter is amazing, every dad should be so lucky.