Yep, it used to be on myspace, so this maybe a repeat for you old myspace friends.
Current mood:guilty
OK, so if you look at the category you see Fashion, Style, Shopping; and you have to be thinking to yourself, "In what way is this Kid qualified to write on this subject?" And the very plain and simple answer to your question is, I'm not. Although I did just go Christmas shopping for 9 people and got it all done in under an hour, I doubt efficiency is what most serious shoppers are thinking about and I'm positive it doesn't make me any authority on the subject. No this blog is more about the commercialism jaugernauts that have sucked me into their plot for world domination that only a conspiracy theorist would look for.
And so I start this as many other stories have started.
Once upon a time, every thing was about functionality, to give you a reference this was right after four years of the "every thing is about how cool it is" phase and I was finally broke. I was preparing to move myself to Phoenix, AZ in my Mustang (the final purchase in the "cool" phase) iPods were still relatively new and an mp3 player kept looking like a better and better idea especially after my Alpine CD player died in the mustang during some Dukes of Hazard style driving up in Bear Creek in Anchorage. 4000 miles is a long way to go with no cd player, but I refused to get an iPod, especially for the price. So instead an Uncle of mine got me a $30 mp3 player for Christmas. Well someone should have told me that $30 mp3 player only holds 60 songs and ipod holds a few thousand. Any how first lesson in functionality vs. cool over. Sometimes they go hand in hand (as I write this from my iPod Touch.) Let's get back to that kid in Phoenix. Phoenix is a fairly hot place and it's incredibly appropriate that the city be named for a creature that Bursts into flames. Well fat kids who eat large amounts of greasy In-n-out burger, Jack in the Box 99 cent tacos, boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and sweat like chubby kids on a treadmill need a deoderant that can keep up. I was pretty good with my Degree Shower Clean at the time. My roommate and good friend Chris Corbin used a spray that I hated. Axe, he would spray it on and I was sure he had just used the entire bottle. Well like happens to most procrastinating bachelors, I ran out of pit-stick one day, my only option was use the overpowering axe. It was like introducing someone with an addictive personality to cocaine. I discovered that yes the first sprays were terribly strong but after a few minutes the fragrance had calmed down and was very pleasing. I was, however, battling myself during the introduction period. I couldn't get past the "this product gets you girls" marketing campaign. But it smelled good, and I was getting compliments. Then they intro'd their stick deoderant, which I had to have, and it worked great, people say "man you smell good, what is that?" And you say "My deoderant." Next the body wash, well HELLO it was the natural evolution. And for three years I was hooked, but then the development of developments the Axe Detailer. That's right no more buying girly poofy things for the bodywash. Now you can buy one that is black and red has a manly name and has a soft side and an 80 grit sandpaper side. When it came out it was the first thing I put in my wife's cart in Wally World. I HAD to have it. Today I was shopping at Fred Meyer and saw that they now have shampoo and hair styling products. Needless to say my bathroom looks like an AXE marketing piece (minus the girls throwing themselves at me.) And as I was using the shampoo it hit me, I didn't need shampoo, we have two bottles of different brands in there, they are girly, but still it's shampoo, how picky am I really? I realized they sucked me in. Sure I see the Nivea commercials and think "now there is a grown up product for men that I should try." But do I ever buy it? NO WAY! Why because my products say AXE the instructions have a guy with a girl on each arm. The bottle looks like something from the imagination of Torantino, and I can get matching body wash, deoderant and spray that smells like a dude.
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