Thursday, January 5, 2012

TV... Really -October 25, 2008

Once again from Myspace and I should also say that having a baby, solved the problem I describe below.

TV... Really
Current mood:drained
Once upon a time I didn't cohabitate with others. My space was my own, my time was mostly my own, and certainly my decisions were all my own, and the quality of those decisions certainly reflect that, but thats another blog all together. But what I am trying to say is, there was a time I was as independant as a young man could be. I knew how to fill my time, and was use to an empty bed. I realize now that the last year, and then some, has seriously handicaped my ability to self-entertain.
My wife left for a women's retreat at noon today, when I got off work I came home and realized how entirely pathetic I have become. I was completely, and instantly, without cause. I aimlessly wandered into my house, keys falling to the nearest stair. My empty shoes came to rest in perfect footsteps in my entryway. My jacket found the back of a chair, and my ever-rounding-dariare found my sofa. Aimlessly my gaze travelled across white textured wall and blind covered windows. And suddenly, like the title of a movie suddenly appearing on the blank, mental movie screen behind my eyes, a thought formed from the abyss, a question, birthed in pure existentialism "What am I going to do with myself?" In an amazing brevity of seconds, the very things I believed about my existance and independance were being tested, and I felt like a sheep being told to find his way back home. What am I supposed to do without Tina?
I know that at one time I was single, I remember that there were times in my life when, not only was I not married, but there were many times I wasn't even dating. And I don't remember what I did when I was single, I mean I remember, but I don't remember it filling an entire day, you know what I mean?
As time lapsed, and my butt sank further into my sofa, my mind began to panic, and my testosterone took over in complete survival mode, and seemed to shout to the numbing sections of my brain "DO THINGS YOU CAN'T DO WHEN SHE IS HOME!"
My blank stare melted to a growing, grinch like smile. She left me money, I can buy things, but not just anything, things I can't normally get. So I did just that, I went to Safeway and bought sushi, I know not fine cuisine, but I want it every time we go there to buy dinner, and she doesn't like the way it smells. And yes, while I am here writing, the box is still on the coffee table. I finished my last bit of ebi-maki and realized, that only filled a fifteen minute period. NOW WHAT DO I DO? "Rent a movie!" Once again I rush out the door and spend the next twenty minutes at Barb's Video trying to find a movie for a bachelor, panic again sets in, what do I watch, and yet again testosterone to the rescue. Get a violent action packed movie. So I pick The Punisher not because it got great reviews, not because it had any actors of great note, but listen to the title, it says it all, violence, and action.
Well... I watched it... guess what? It was lame. Yes there was action, yes, it was pointlessly violent. I mean I get the plot, I get why, but it was lame, they didn't even attempt to make me WANT to believe the story. I know its based on a comic book, but put some effort into it. Shamed, and desperate for the two hours of my life I will never get back I grabbed my remote control and went to what my wife calls the, "Cable Channels for Men." Discovery and History.
Instantly I am captured by a show called Time Warp no its not a silly sci-fi, but a show on the Discovery Channel dedicated to filming random action related items with very fast digital cameras and playing them all back in slow motion from every angle conceivable. All aimless wondering falls aside. In a matter of frames I am completely en-raptured in the very thing that makes sports worth watching. The instant replay.
Well, I was impressed... for about 3 scenes, and after one episode I have concluded that no one thought this through. Yes replays are fun, yes slow-motion is fun, but how many things can you replay in slow motion and it be very interesting? Yes you can play everything in slow motion, and some things are really cool, some things are exactly as they were before, but really slow.
And then I realized who the target audience is. It hit me, the truth set in like a criminal realizing he was caught. I am exactly the demographic this was designed for. Men who walk in the door and say "What do I do with myself?"
I guess I am just sad that, A) it appears as though my imagination and resourcefulness is waning B) that I am one of those guys who is REALLY easy to entertain and finally C) that the Discovery Channel, the same great folks who brought us Shark Week, Myth Busters, Deadliest Catch, and Dirty Jobs has deamed it appropriate to reduce itself to this level of mindless entertainment. An area better left to the likes of FX, Spike, or late night network television.
The moral of the story is wives, don't leave your husband home alone, we need you here as bad as the kids.
P.S. I have a cold

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